A Journey Back into Self-Care
It seems I go through seasons of self-care (and lack thereof). After a long period of self-sacrifice with my first child, my life settled a bit in many aspects. With my second pregnancy and child (was it because she was a girl?!), life fell into a good groove. I had a good haircut, managed to blow-dry style it, took care of my skin, and painted my toe nails regularly. I also kept my schedule manageable and worked on some solid "girl" relationships including receiving and offering mentoring. At one point, I worked on strengthening my core and amazed myself with the results.
Well, my third child is now sixteen months old. It's been nineteen months since we moved into this house, about a year since my husband decided to quit his job and nearly four months of relying on our growing business for income. I have been on the bottom of the priority list for too long. The physical and emotional symptoms cannot be ignored any longer or I could be in for some serious problems.
But it wasn't that long ago that I was just barely surviving and "fine". But then I started struggling with insomnia (again). And my frustration level was so high, it was very difficult to control. My face looked pale and strained. It was hard to cope with everyday challenges. But it wasn't until a talk with my Mom that I realized the gravity of my situation. My symptoms were eerily similar to hers before she had a total breakdown at an age just two years away for me.
And then a visit to Pelo Loco Salon & Spa revealed oh-so gently that I was indeed losing hair still--and when was the last time it had been cut? Thank you, Vicki, for your sensitivity, wisdom and truth-speaking. You were able to bring to light my current position of "bottom" on my priority list. And the resulting emotion revealed the degree to which that was affecting me on the inside.
So, in these last few days I've let business ideas simmer in the background a little more, napped a little more, gone out with women twice, put berries and flax meal on my oatmeal, actually sat down and relaxed to drink a cup of honey lemon ginseng green tea (whew!), played the piano, went on a walk by myself twice, cuddled with my hubby before starting my day twice, started weaning my son, read my Bible, and found myself responding to my children rather than reacting (well, one of the days anyways!). Chaos and unexpected events still get me off-balance, my respsonsibility list is still too long, and I still struggle to ask for help, but I've climbed up the ladder of priority. And that feels good.