It's been a long time since I last posted anything. It seems I rarely get to the computer. Today I visited It was better than I thought it would be. The verses for the day were the "ask, seek, knock" and "giving your children a stone when they ask for bread" passage. The phrase that stuck out to me was "How much more will he give the Holy Spirit to those who ask?" About a week ago I had been reading one of the Alpha course books. It discussed the very same topic. How we've all been given the Holy Spirit as Christians but many of us have not been or are not being "filled" with the Holy Spirit. I still have trouble with this as I hear in my head the many reasons why this is preposterous and wrong from various sources growing up. And lately, my heart has scoffed at any notions of intimacy or supernatural power from God. (This bothers me and yet I'm almost still numb to it). On Sunday, a guy named Brad Jersak came and spoke at the Vineyard (we are now attending there). He talked in very simple terms the fact that all of us can hear God. We're supposed to. "The sheep hear his voice" (John 10) and "Call on me and I will answer you" (Jer 33?) And yet something in me or around me was trying to tell me that what he was saying was wrong or deceiving and I'd better beware of what he was saying. I don't think that was God (I mean, "stop and think" obviously isn't), but it's a vague feeling of unbelief that's hard to shake. I think I need some healing.

Anyways, back to the Holy Spirit. I always do really well with parallels in life. And Nicky Gumbel, the Alpha guy, spoke of a furnace where only the pilot light is on, versus the furnace that is blasting out heat. Both have the pilot light, but one is functioning in its purpose and its effects are obvious. The other one isn't doing a whole lot, but it can certainly say it's pilot light is still on. So, how do I get the burners fired and the winds blowing? Ask. That doesn't seem like enough. And I think I have asked. I am reminded that it is a continual filling. Maybe I've allowed a kind of drying up to happen. But what about tongues? This was addressed as well. I don't think I've ever actually been willing to speak in tongues. I've kept my mouth shut on this one. Why? It's too weird. I'm wary of has always seemed wrong almost, all my growing up years. But it's mentioned in the Bible quite plainly. And I know when people have prayed for me in tongues, it has always had a lot of power, perhaps because I can't understand them and so my mind can't analyze what they're saying and I can only feel the effects.

Well, I'll have to go now. My son has just woken up from his nap. More later (but hopefully not too much later)

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