Little things
It's amazing how the little things can add up. Like my nose, for instance. It's a very small part of my body, but it's adding greatly to my misery. Yes, too much adrenaline and not enough rest these days has worn my immune system down and I now have a lovely summer cold. Then, last night, while I was trying to fall back asleep, I hear a little thing called a mouse nibbling and scratching. I thought they were only supposed to come inside in the fall when it starts getting cooler! (I am so looking forward to our new house...if we ever get it...but that's another story).
But on a positive note, I did get myself to bed early two nights ago and had a splendid sleep. And Rod and I went on a little date to the Fringe last night and had a great time (thank you Dristan Mist). And we had a friend over and she asked me about some ideas I had and now I've been encouraged to take them seriously and pursue them.
Life is the little things. Some bad, some good. But life is also the big things, like God being in control and working out everything for good, developing my character and helping me shape my kids', leading me down this path right now towards amazing things I can't even imagine, but also more little things...blessings I can count and trials I can persevere through.
Friday
Monday
I Fall Flat
Well, after all that revelation, I fell flat on my face. Admittedly, it was a Monday following a late night and there wasn't enough food in the house, but I still would not want to repeat today. Not an exemplary day. But it's done. And tomorrow's a new day...and it looks like I may start it with a clean kitchen (thank you hubby for your help).
Well, after all that revelation, I fell flat on my face. Admittedly, it was a Monday following a late night and there wasn't enough food in the house, but I still would not want to repeat today. Not an exemplary day. But it's done. And tomorrow's a new day...and it looks like I may start it with a clean kitchen (thank you hubby for your help).
Sunday
Better
Well, my house is still a disaster. Today, I'm feeling slightly more at peace in my soul though. Amazing what some quiet time and a bit more sleep can do. I've been thinking a lot lately about the attack on our minds and spirits. And trying to view things more as a battle to be fought rather than escaped from.
David had his Goliath. Daniel had the lions. His friends had the fiery furnace. But they knew their God and they were unwavering in their trust in and devotion to Him. And God took care of them. Over and over in the Old Testament I read fascinating stories of how great God is and how people were won over to Him by the faith of ordinary people who were unmoved by impossible circumstances and God moved instead.
A verse was highlighted to me in church today: "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord". I should know where that's found, but right now it escapes me. And I was also struck by a few things that were said today during the teaching time. One was how an overall sense of purpose can transform even the most mundane of jobs. The focus was on career, but I could see how that applied to the job of motherhood. So much of it involves the constant cycle of creating mess and cleaning up mess. It can get you down. But if I know my calling is to love, nurture, and train the children he's given me, so that they can be released into the world to love God and love others from whole hearts, I can bear the endlessness of it all.
Okay, this is getting a little too spiritual. I want it to be practical. Mothering is exhausting and often thankless. I feel too weak for the job many times. But I don't have to get it all together better. I just need to rely on the Holy Spirit. Not more. Not better. Just do it. Rely on him for rest. Rely on him for patience. Rely on him for self-control. Rely on him for joy. Rely on him for my needs to be met. Rely on him for wisdom. Rely on him for the future and the present. He is more than capable. And He is waiting for me to come to Him. And He can do the impossible.
Well, my house is still a disaster. Today, I'm feeling slightly more at peace in my soul though. Amazing what some quiet time and a bit more sleep can do. I've been thinking a lot lately about the attack on our minds and spirits. And trying to view things more as a battle to be fought rather than escaped from.
David had his Goliath. Daniel had the lions. His friends had the fiery furnace. But they knew their God and they were unwavering in their trust in and devotion to Him. And God took care of them. Over and over in the Old Testament I read fascinating stories of how great God is and how people were won over to Him by the faith of ordinary people who were unmoved by impossible circumstances and God moved instead.
A verse was highlighted to me in church today: "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord". I should know where that's found, but right now it escapes me. And I was also struck by a few things that were said today during the teaching time. One was how an overall sense of purpose can transform even the most mundane of jobs. The focus was on career, but I could see how that applied to the job of motherhood. So much of it involves the constant cycle of creating mess and cleaning up mess. It can get you down. But if I know my calling is to love, nurture, and train the children he's given me, so that they can be released into the world to love God and love others from whole hearts, I can bear the endlessness of it all.
Okay, this is getting a little too spiritual. I want it to be practical. Mothering is exhausting and often thankless. I feel too weak for the job many times. But I don't have to get it all together better. I just need to rely on the Holy Spirit. Not more. Not better. Just do it. Rely on him for rest. Rely on him for patience. Rely on him for self-control. Rely on him for joy. Rely on him for my needs to be met. Rely on him for wisdom. Rely on him for the future and the present. He is more than capable. And He is waiting for me to come to Him. And He can do the impossible.
Monday
Overwhelmed and Looking for an Out
Today we spent a lovely, cool morning outside pulling weeds, moving gravel and basically puttering about. Then I realized I had missed our chiropractor appointment. So we slipped in before lunch. Ate quickly, got Rachel and I down for a nap. Then some PST accounting and then a way-too-late grocery shopping/banking/post office trip. Late supper (not without some grumpiness from children) and a bit later to bed for them. But fell asleep easily.
Spent much of yesterday in 90-plus degree building. Yeah, the place where Sanctuary meets has no A/C. But it was great. I love being involved there. Even went out to Applebee's with a bunch of them. Such a nice change of pace.
The long and short of it is, my house is a disaster zone and I don't want to face it. Thankfully, Rod is feeling a little swamped too and so we're postponing the re-listing of our house. But I think I'll go crazy if I have to live in this messy house much longer. Problem is, today is a recovery day from yesterday. So I'm just hoping that tomorrow I feel a little more like tackling things. 'Cause today I just want out! (And sleep).
Good night.
Today we spent a lovely, cool morning outside pulling weeds, moving gravel and basically puttering about. Then I realized I had missed our chiropractor appointment. So we slipped in before lunch. Ate quickly, got Rachel and I down for a nap. Then some PST accounting and then a way-too-late grocery shopping/banking/post office trip. Late supper (not without some grumpiness from children) and a bit later to bed for them. But fell asleep easily.
Spent much of yesterday in 90-plus degree building. Yeah, the place where Sanctuary meets has no A/C. But it was great. I love being involved there. Even went out to Applebee's with a bunch of them. Such a nice change of pace.
The long and short of it is, my house is a disaster zone and I don't want to face it. Thankfully, Rod is feeling a little swamped too and so we're postponing the re-listing of our house. But I think I'll go crazy if I have to live in this messy house much longer. Problem is, today is a recovery day from yesterday. So I'm just hoping that tomorrow I feel a little more like tackling things. 'Cause today I just want out! (And sleep).
Good night.
Thursday
Memory Lane
Was planning to do a bunch of dishes, but instead got looking at a bunch of photos from the past two years: R's birth, 1st birthday, tons of other shots, J at age two, some cute studio sessions...all of which we have done nothing with!
Anyways, it was a nice trip down memory lane. How time flies!
Was planning to do a bunch of dishes, but instead got looking at a bunch of photos from the past two years: R's birth, 1st birthday, tons of other shots, J at age two, some cute studio sessions...all of which we have done nothing with!
Anyways, it was a nice trip down memory lane. How time flies!
Sunday
A Glimpse
It has been a long road of doing most of the parenting without taking much for breaks. Rod has had an extrememly busy two months since the purchase of our new studio, the dance season, and the beginning of wedding season. It has been fairly bearable with the taking of naps etc. But ironically, the holidays did me in. Too many people, not enough sleep and some crazy long drives with early mornings...and of course, dealing with children in a new environment where they need more constant supervision.
So, yesterday, I found myself in the bathroom, sobbing on the toilet. Exhausted, frustrated, and at my wits' end. R for some reason has taken to sleeping only when rocked (she missed two naps, but on the upside, went to sleep extra early at night). I'm going with it in the hopes that restoring a good schedule will restore her previous habits. J, though tired, has been refusing to nap in true J fashion, but then has a tougher time playing on his own during quiet time (and he has no door on his room because it used to be a livingroom) and therefore keeps bugging me while I'm trying to nap. So, after one of these afternoons, I was crying on the crapper.
The kitchen was in complete chaos after only two days and I had no gumption to do anything about it. I didn't know what to do with myself. All I wanted to do is crawl in a hole somewhere. Have someone take my kids away. Something.
At some point that day, I managed to pick up my Bible for a bit and even more importantly, just write my feelings down. After the kids were in bed (blissfully at 7:45), I went to my bed and picked up a Julia Cameron book, "Walking in this World" (the sequel to Artist's Way) and began to read. I had been tempted to read it earlier when it would have just been dodging time with God. But now, it was just something to enjoy while J was falling asleep.
One chapter affirmed to me that I do indeed need to take personal time...and that it's okay (even necessary) to do something that feels selfish often in order to have a self to give and to express. As an artist and a mother, this is paramount. I find that mothering actually takes quite a lot of creativity to respond in ways that build rather than tear down or even to respond at all sometimes. And the irritable and demanding spirit they described when this doesn't happen, fit me to a tee.
Another chapter talked about the value of doing things like straightening out your house or finishing projects or valuing what you create enough to organize it (Hmm, like actually typing out my songs?!!). Anyways, I suddenly felt inspired to tackle and finish all the dishes. And as extra inspiration, I took my beautiful birthday bouquet downstairs to put on the counter in order to showcase it after all the mess was gone. I stayed up until 11 or 12 (Rod came home around then) just cleaning up the dishes and the main floor. What a lovely thing!
Unfortunately, I got a little bit too much adrenaline going, spent another hour on the computer looking up landscaping for kids and stuff and went to bed around 1:00 and then couldn't really sleep until 4. But despite, the lack of sleep, the energy from my clean kitchen has kept my spirits up and I've managed to do the dishes after each meal, just to preserve the beauty.
This morning, we didn't go to church as Rod had another wedding. So, I enjoyed a worship time and a quiet time without having anything hanging over my head.
And that's a glimpse into my life these days.
It has been a long road of doing most of the parenting without taking much for breaks. Rod has had an extrememly busy two months since the purchase of our new studio, the dance season, and the beginning of wedding season. It has been fairly bearable with the taking of naps etc. But ironically, the holidays did me in. Too many people, not enough sleep and some crazy long drives with early mornings...and of course, dealing with children in a new environment where they need more constant supervision.
So, yesterday, I found myself in the bathroom, sobbing on the toilet. Exhausted, frustrated, and at my wits' end. R for some reason has taken to sleeping only when rocked (she missed two naps, but on the upside, went to sleep extra early at night). I'm going with it in the hopes that restoring a good schedule will restore her previous habits. J, though tired, has been refusing to nap in true J fashion, but then has a tougher time playing on his own during quiet time (and he has no door on his room because it used to be a livingroom) and therefore keeps bugging me while I'm trying to nap. So, after one of these afternoons, I was crying on the crapper.
The kitchen was in complete chaos after only two days and I had no gumption to do anything about it. I didn't know what to do with myself. All I wanted to do is crawl in a hole somewhere. Have someone take my kids away. Something.
At some point that day, I managed to pick up my Bible for a bit and even more importantly, just write my feelings down. After the kids were in bed (blissfully at 7:45), I went to my bed and picked up a Julia Cameron book, "Walking in this World" (the sequel to Artist's Way) and began to read. I had been tempted to read it earlier when it would have just been dodging time with God. But now, it was just something to enjoy while J was falling asleep.
One chapter affirmed to me that I do indeed need to take personal time...and that it's okay (even necessary) to do something that feels selfish often in order to have a self to give and to express. As an artist and a mother, this is paramount. I find that mothering actually takes quite a lot of creativity to respond in ways that build rather than tear down or even to respond at all sometimes. And the irritable and demanding spirit they described when this doesn't happen, fit me to a tee.
Another chapter talked about the value of doing things like straightening out your house or finishing projects or valuing what you create enough to organize it (Hmm, like actually typing out my songs?!!). Anyways, I suddenly felt inspired to tackle and finish all the dishes. And as extra inspiration, I took my beautiful birthday bouquet downstairs to put on the counter in order to showcase it after all the mess was gone. I stayed up until 11 or 12 (Rod came home around then) just cleaning up the dishes and the main floor. What a lovely thing!
Unfortunately, I got a little bit too much adrenaline going, spent another hour on the computer looking up landscaping for kids and stuff and went to bed around 1:00 and then couldn't really sleep until 4. But despite, the lack of sleep, the energy from my clean kitchen has kept my spirits up and I've managed to do the dishes after each meal, just to preserve the beauty.
This morning, we didn't go to church as Rod had another wedding. So, I enjoyed a worship time and a quiet time without having anything hanging over my head.
And that's a glimpse into my life these days.
Friday
Thursday
I Felt It!
Today, while having a bath, I felt our baby move for the first time. Hurray! I guess I've probably just been too busy to notice up until now.
After a grueling reunion week-end (lots of people and whacked out schedules for kids), we headed to McPhee Lake near Waskesiu with Rod's family and had a much too short time there. But it was good all around to meet more of Rod's extended family and spend a teeny bit of time with his immediate family. I would like to do more. But it all leaves me feeling exhausted.
Now it's time to get back into a groove. And, of course, with possession date at the end of this month (yikes), there won't be much chance to establish much of a groove before everything starts getting wacky around here!
Hoping to get our house back up on the market in the next week or so. And get it sold!
It's good to be back.
Today, while having a bath, I felt our baby move for the first time. Hurray! I guess I've probably just been too busy to notice up until now.
After a grueling reunion week-end (lots of people and whacked out schedules for kids), we headed to McPhee Lake near Waskesiu with Rod's family and had a much too short time there. But it was good all around to meet more of Rod's extended family and spend a teeny bit of time with his immediate family. I would like to do more. But it all leaves me feeling exhausted.
Now it's time to get back into a groove. And, of course, with possession date at the end of this month (yikes), there won't be much chance to establish much of a groove before everything starts getting wacky around here!
Hoping to get our house back up on the market in the next week or so. And get it sold!
It's good to be back.
