The Last Days
It's so weird to think of having another baby. I am so enjoying Jacob these days. I cherish the times I can spend completely focused on him. But every time I see a little baby, I think "Oh, that will be so nice". It's such a weird place to be. Boy, I used the word "weird" twice in one paragraph!
It's been such a long time since I've taken care of a newborn. I feel like I'll be learning it all over again. I just hope it's without all those insecure feelings. And yet, I think I felt pretty confident much of the time. Those early months are such a blur. I think life will have a little more shape the second time around.
Today, two old friends came over to help me get ready for baby. They did a bunch of dishes, helped make meatballs, and cleaned and blew up the birth pool. What a great gift!
Well, I need to go to bed.
Wednesday
Tuesday
Well, Rod and I just had our last moments alone probably for the next 16 months or so. Well, at least anything extended past a few hours anyways.
It was good. Probably had a few too many expectations attached to it on my part (which, along with being pregnant, precipitated a few crying spells...when we were shown our cabin, when I got one of my restaurant meals...) It's easy to think, "Oh, now we can talk about this and this and we can do this together etc. etc." But in reality, it takes 30 of the 40 hours just to feel human again, plus you've forgotten the fine art of communication, and you each have different needs from the time away.
But the main thing is, we did it, we made some good memories, and Rod felt loved. Plus, we had an amazing steak dinner!
On the sleep front, Jacob went way off track for a week and I got to the end of my rope and changed a few more things. Then, for about 3 or 4 days he napped and went to sleep at night by himself and slept through the night two nights in a row. And apparently slept 13 hours at a friends' house. Hoping that this away time won't mess things up too badly, but I won't be surprised if they do...
Getting closer and closer to my due date. Renos on our master suite haven't even really begun yet! Will the baby wait?!! It would certainly be helpful, as we kinda want to have the birth there! Still haven't settled on any names. Still need to get some stuff. That's the way it goes...
It was good. Probably had a few too many expectations attached to it on my part (which, along with being pregnant, precipitated a few crying spells...when we were shown our cabin, when I got one of my restaurant meals...) It's easy to think, "Oh, now we can talk about this and this and we can do this together etc. etc." But in reality, it takes 30 of the 40 hours just to feel human again, plus you've forgotten the fine art of communication, and you each have different needs from the time away.
But the main thing is, we did it, we made some good memories, and Rod felt loved. Plus, we had an amazing steak dinner!
On the sleep front, Jacob went way off track for a week and I got to the end of my rope and changed a few more things. Then, for about 3 or 4 days he napped and went to sleep at night by himself and slept through the night two nights in a row. And apparently slept 13 hours at a friends' house. Hoping that this away time won't mess things up too badly, but I won't be surprised if they do...
Getting closer and closer to my due date. Renos on our master suite haven't even really begun yet! Will the baby wait?!! It would certainly be helpful, as we kinda want to have the birth there! Still haven't settled on any names. Still need to get some stuff. That's the way it goes...
Thursday
At this stage of my pregnancy, I've left the topics of pregnancy and birth behind and have ventured into Post-Partum Depression and Sleep. Both of these I struggled with after Jacob was born. I've been learning some things about them and about myself in the process.
Up until now, I've been super-sensitive about my parenting and easily feel condemned or self-doubting if I come across information that goes against what I've been practicing. I've also felt somewhat helpless to try and change certain ways of doing things because Jacob can have such intense reactions. Most of you would never believe that because he's such a calm, easy-going guy most of the time.
Anyways, I came to the realization that PPD has been a big factor in how I've coped or not coped and maybe I don't need to be so hard on myself. That I can be okay with some of the "mistakes" I've made or at least look at the positive results and not just the negative. That admitting some of my choices have had less than desirable results in some regards, and yet benefits in others, and there were valid reasons for my choices, as well as difficult circumstances surrounding them (like PPD and a high needs child). That every parent is unique and so is every child.
As long as I've kind of refused to look at any other ways of doing things, for fear of the guilt, self-doubt and condemnation that would come into play, I've felt fairly good about my parenting. Jacob is well-adjusted, very bright, adaptible, and affectionate. However, Rod and I have lost a great deal of sleep and I was not myself and not taking care of myself terribly well. Being the "giver" and "self-sacrificer" and "compassionate person" that I am, it was natural for me to go this route.
I think I got a twisted view of attachment parenting in the back of my mind, that if I didn't answer every perceived need, Jacob would somehow not reach his full potential or be emotionally damaged in some way. Plus, I never gave him much of a chance to prove that he could calm down or go to sleep without a lot of help. I was just in the habit of doing everything I could to soothe him because he has always had a more difficult time "shutting off" and if he got too worked up, it was even harder to get him back in a place where he was relaxed and able to sleep. And I thought if I didn't help him, he just wouldn't get the sleep he needed, and then we'd be in real trouble.
But recently, my sister-in-law and I were dialoguing on parenting and PPD and sleep issues and for the first time, I felt someone saw inside my soul and understood my fear of advice and misunderstanding and suddenly I was free to explore other ways. I picked up a couple of books from the library and started reading. I found the second one on sleep to be especially helpful: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. His big premise is that if a child has healthy sleep habits (there are four aspects which I can't name at this very moment), it will be the foundation of his whole life and learning process. I came to the realization that Jacob has probably been chronically over-tired. I've actually thought that in the back of my mind for a long time, but wasn't sure how to change that. Anyways, all I've done is try to get him asleep around 8:30, to nap around 1:30 and return him to bed silently when he gets up before it's time. He's reacted very well to both and two nights he slept from 8:40 to 6:40 and last night (after missing his nap for whatever reason), he slept from 8:00 to 5:00 and then went back to sleep until 6:45 and then again until 7:45. I'm also trying to work with dark and light to work with his internal clock better as well as pointing out that when the clock says "7", he can get up.
Part of me doubts that it will stick, but I'm really hoping it will. I've learned so much about the different stages from newborn on that I'm excited to use with the next one. I still have to sort out how I feel about "crying it out", but at least I have a frame of reference and more tools now.
Up until now, I've been super-sensitive about my parenting and easily feel condemned or self-doubting if I come across information that goes against what I've been practicing. I've also felt somewhat helpless to try and change certain ways of doing things because Jacob can have such intense reactions. Most of you would never believe that because he's such a calm, easy-going guy most of the time.
Anyways, I came to the realization that PPD has been a big factor in how I've coped or not coped and maybe I don't need to be so hard on myself. That I can be okay with some of the "mistakes" I've made or at least look at the positive results and not just the negative. That admitting some of my choices have had less than desirable results in some regards, and yet benefits in others, and there were valid reasons for my choices, as well as difficult circumstances surrounding them (like PPD and a high needs child). That every parent is unique and so is every child.
As long as I've kind of refused to look at any other ways of doing things, for fear of the guilt, self-doubt and condemnation that would come into play, I've felt fairly good about my parenting. Jacob is well-adjusted, very bright, adaptible, and affectionate. However, Rod and I have lost a great deal of sleep and I was not myself and not taking care of myself terribly well. Being the "giver" and "self-sacrificer" and "compassionate person" that I am, it was natural for me to go this route.
I think I got a twisted view of attachment parenting in the back of my mind, that if I didn't answer every perceived need, Jacob would somehow not reach his full potential or be emotionally damaged in some way. Plus, I never gave him much of a chance to prove that he could calm down or go to sleep without a lot of help. I was just in the habit of doing everything I could to soothe him because he has always had a more difficult time "shutting off" and if he got too worked up, it was even harder to get him back in a place where he was relaxed and able to sleep. And I thought if I didn't help him, he just wouldn't get the sleep he needed, and then we'd be in real trouble.
But recently, my sister-in-law and I were dialoguing on parenting and PPD and sleep issues and for the first time, I felt someone saw inside my soul and understood my fear of advice and misunderstanding and suddenly I was free to explore other ways. I picked up a couple of books from the library and started reading. I found the second one on sleep to be especially helpful: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. His big premise is that if a child has healthy sleep habits (there are four aspects which I can't name at this very moment), it will be the foundation of his whole life and learning process. I came to the realization that Jacob has probably been chronically over-tired. I've actually thought that in the back of my mind for a long time, but wasn't sure how to change that. Anyways, all I've done is try to get him asleep around 8:30, to nap around 1:30 and return him to bed silently when he gets up before it's time. He's reacted very well to both and two nights he slept from 8:40 to 6:40 and last night (after missing his nap for whatever reason), he slept from 8:00 to 5:00 and then went back to sleep until 6:45 and then again until 7:45. I'm also trying to work with dark and light to work with his internal clock better as well as pointing out that when the clock says "7", he can get up.
Part of me doubts that it will stick, but I'm really hoping it will. I've learned so much about the different stages from newborn on that I'm excited to use with the next one. I still have to sort out how I feel about "crying it out", but at least I have a frame of reference and more tools now.
